My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
