We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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