you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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