Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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