I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
