oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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