Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
