if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
