I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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