am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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