I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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