i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
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he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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