i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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