yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it penis luge time yet?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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