He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
