Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
