Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
