I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just pynch a tree in the face
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We need to rekindle our bromance
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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