careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
