so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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