is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
