She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
