But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
