that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
