so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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