Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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