Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
