I am in a vortex of obligation.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
