This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
