I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
