If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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