I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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