I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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