my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
