...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
