I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
