Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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