She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
