ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
