So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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