He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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