i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
