Duck Duck Cougar?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
