jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
