I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
