i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my poor anus
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
