woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
