Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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