New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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