"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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