I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
