And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
