The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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