just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
