I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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