its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
