Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
