And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
