Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
