do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Holy shit dude........stairs
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