First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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