hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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