the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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