you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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