I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
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You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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