I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I want her autograph on my taint
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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