R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
