Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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