Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Randomize
