He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
