a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
