wat bout pragnant strippers??
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
