note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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