yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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