Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Randomize
