I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
