Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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