After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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