So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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