There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
