did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
