We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
