Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
